Downed the last of the Red Bull an hour ago. Finally climbing into bed after studying for the most difficult final of the three — though I can’t complain, the other two were online. Lots of things are running through my head, the majority of which are not anatomical terms. Didn’t study as much as I would have liked, but in the grand scheme of things, I don’t really need to.
Tonight was the first Tag meeting I’ve attended in three months. Gramma gave me two hugs and asked me twice to come back. Gramps gave me a long, meaningful hug and asked me how I was — how I really was. It would be so much more convenient if they were my grandparents and not his, so I don’t see his smile on his grandpa’s face or feel the warmth of his hugs in his grandma’s arms. I wish they didn’t share DNA with him, so I could love them without inhibition. I missed them. Though I had just seen a quote from gramps in my blog archives — “I’m very frank, I know you two are in love. If you chose him, you will have a big problem.” A statement that made me both resent and love the man, feelings which I remembered when I shook his hand tonight.
Signed up for 30 hours (which isn’t all that much considering I could at one time do 70 hours plus full time school) of auxiliary service this month on a five minute whim. On top of studying for the nursing entrance exam and polishing off finals studying. On top of going to Baltimore for a few days. (Speaking of which, news of me going has spread like wildfire despite my efforts to keep it a secret. Filipinos are gossipy and stupid. But I’m over it. I just want to get OUT.) The boss asked me to work the week after class lets out. I’m really pushing my own limits this month. I know I can handle it so that’s why I signed up. I also know that I need some kind of perpetual stress to keep me alive. Half-baked schemes and plans on the fly. Bleed so I know I’m alive. Pile it onto my plate until I almost can’t do it… and do it anyway.
I can do it.